English Jokes

One day a boy approached his mother with a question. "Mom, how come
every night I hear you and daddy fighting and yelling, but when I look in your
room you're on top of each other?"

His mother ,very surprised, replies; "Honey you know how fat daddy is, I'm
jumping on top of him to help him lose weight".

The boy knows that's not working and tells his mother why...

"Mom that's not going to help, because the lady next door comes by after
you leave for work, and blows him back up again!

Phone Call:
Dad: Hi son, it's Daddy. Is mommy near the phone?
Son: No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with uncle Frank.
Dad: But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, son.
Son: Yes, I do,and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!
Dad: Okay, then. Here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the door and shout out that my car's just pulled up outside the house.
Son: Okay, Daddy!
A few minutes later, the little boy comes back to the phone.
Son: Well, I did what you said, Daddy.
Dad: And what happened?
Son: Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and now she's all dead.
Dad: Oh my God... And what about uncle Frank?
Son: He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool, but he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's dead too.
There is a long pause, then the Dad says: Swimming pool? Ooops...is this 854-XXXX?

"Bank"

A gang decided to rob a bank...they opened every vault but found no
money, only cups of yogurt so they drank all of them. Next day headline
news:

"BIGGEST SPERMBANK, ROBBED!!!"

Here's a corny joke but I thought I'd post it.
There were two guys in a Men's Restroom making use of the urinals. The guy on the left was a black dude and the one on the right is white. The white guy happened to glance down towards the left and saw that the black guy's thing had a tattoo which says "WENDY" As they were washing their hands, the white guy couldn't contain his curiosity any longer and asked the black guy about the tattoo on his thing.
White guy: I hope you don't mind if I ask but is Wendy your girlfriend or your wife?
Black guy: Watcha talkin' about man?
White guy: I saw the name Wendy on you so I just wondered if it's your girlfriend or wife because she must be really important that you had her name tattooed on your thing.
Black guy: You serious? That tattoo doesn't say Wendy, man. If the time is right, it says:
"WElcome to Jamaica and have a Nice DaY!!!

wow,

_______

3 ways why men are the best,

1st
they can withdraw without money

2nd
they have lollipop that never melts

Lastly,
they can produce condense milk..
and it is non-fat